Why I Declined A Lead Role

Sometimes you get what you ask for only to realize it’s not what you actually want. 

If you’re reading this, I’m sure you know that I’ve done a few verticals over the last few years. More of the elevated, smaller apps, but when it comes to the big players in the space, I really haven’t been getting much motion. And the funny thing about rejection is that, when it comes to the ego, it’s easy to confuse a lack of opportunities with a lack of talent. 

I’ll be honest, I’d occasionally have to catch myself thinking, “Damn, what’s wrong with me that these folks aren’t calling?” Especially with the positive reactions from the few projects I’ve done. Am I not attractive enough? No, that can’t be it. I work so much in print and in commercial projects. Also, I have a mirror. 

So am I not talented enough?  Naw, that can’t be it – I've done enough smaller legit stuff to combat that perception, and I genuinely feel my instrument getting sharper every day. So what the what is it? 

Well, now…there is the obvious fact that I don’t look like your typical leading vertical man. I had a meeting with one of these apps last year, where I was told to my face that while they like me, their numbers just don’t support melanin in their leading roles. Remember, these are tech companies, not art houses. 

Cool. Life goes on. I stay in my lane with commercial work and the occasional theatrical project 3-5 times a year. But getting on one of those larger apps is still on my checklist. I really had my heart set on it. Especially after I learned that my firends in the space are actually making more than they would if they booked a TV show. I’m not proud to admit that I felt that I deserved to be in those conversations.

So I make a business decision. I even dropped my old manager to join a team known for representing gorgeous vertical actors and pitching them for legit work. So the wave of auditions starts pouring in. And it’s the top apps too. Even the company that told me they probably didn’t have a role for me. It’s an uphill battle, but I’m finally feeling in the mix.